21st
Halong is your Cat Ba Monkey?
OK. So. Landed in Hanoi to a deserted airport that wouldn’t exchange currency from the country we just flew in from - the country right next door. Hello? So Hanoi-ing. But everyone here accepts US dollars - the irony is thick. We jump into a shuttle bus to the center of town, during which we witness guys pissing off the side of the highway and our driver almost kill about 15 scooter riders. We get dropped off at guest house that claims to have reservations for our friend. Surprise! Wrong guest house and much-anticipated aggressive and devisive sales pitch ensues. Wang and I end up taking a ”cyclo” (1/2 bike, 1/2 taxi, 1/2 deathtrap) with our packs on our laps (about 40lbs each) through a sea of beeping oncoming scooter traffic to our desired location. It was one of the moments - like being in an earthquake - when it’s reeeaaalllyyy funny when it’s over and no one is in a coma.
The traffic in Hanoi is, at first, frightening and frenetic. Crossing the street is like Moses parting the moPed Sea. But after a while - much like in Cairo - you realize that it all somehow just works. No one plows their scotter into the side of a cyclo. No one rear ends a scooter with their clown-size car. I think some great parallels could be drawn between a culture’s belief system around individualism and it’s traffic patterns. In Asia: I am part of a bigger plan and need to stay balanced or the system breaks. In Europe: I am an individual within a system flexible enough to accomodate my itinerary with mass transit. In ‘Merica: I will drive over your Neon in my Hummer while shooting you in the face if you make me late for my liposuction appointment. See? All similar.
$.70 pho (Vietnamese noodle and meat soup) makes an excellent intro. I could have done without the overzealous use of chili sauce. Holy crap. Hey Irishguy, chill out on the spicy food. (I have been getting a lot better at handling the heat since we’ve been travelling - I don’t have to snort Prilosec after dinner anymore).
Christie had heard about how the Vietnamese brew fresh cheap local beer daily called Bia Ahoi - naturally I’m intrigued. We find vendor and buy 3L in used water bottles for our big night out - this cumlinated in us packing our bags alone in our room and having Bia Ahoi chugging contests - I know, we totally suck.
Wang and I also made a big move that day: We committed to 2 weeks in Colombia with Fred. We bought the tickets online and for less than we expected. 12/10 - 1/7. Woohooo! Can’t wait. I was a little apprehensive about extending this adventure, but with the subleasees happy to stay and the economy erasing all hopes of a retirement without eating dogfood, I couldn’t think of a better way to forget it all than riding chicken buses through unstable countries with the Dirt Cricket!
If you’re ever Hanoi, avoid the “water puppetry” show. More like water muppetry. So dumb. And the weary band of Vietnamese musicians couldn’t have been more apathetic. At least I scored a sweet fake Panerai afterwards.
Took a train to Haiphong on the coast where we were the only non-Vietnamese. Interesting. Very interesting when you’re the white devil travelling with your strange and interesting western Chinese girlfriend. Anyway. Hopped on a boat to Cat Ba with the help of a lady selling heavily photoshopped postcards -some of which were pornographic. (BTW - Asia is being ruined by Photoshop - you can’t buy a postcard here now without having to inspect the image to see if that tree was just stuck in there or that boat really does have red sails - the death of photography) Cat Ba is the only inhabited island in Halong Bay and 1/2 of it is national park and home to the endangered Cat Ba Langur monkey. Yes, monkeys. Yes, Greg wanted to come here as soon as he read that and knew there was a chance to see wild monkeys that would come down and sit on his head and play cards and be his best friend. Cat Ba town is a small, drab place by day, but at night it lights up with oddly Burning Man-esque flashing lights along the streets. Got a room for $6 and went to dinner….
After enjoying a delicious seafood meal, I noticed a line of large glass jars in the restaurant filled with what looked like clear liquor and various other “ingredients”. Upon closer inspection we realized they were tiger entrails, blue fin, bamboo, starfish and seahorses, and an intact hawk with feathers and beak and all. I drank the hawk juice and now the hawk spirit lives in me. It wasn’t that bad at first, but it didn’t sit well. No feathers growing on me….yet.
We went to the National Park - no monkey sightings. But we had been assured we would see them on Monkey Island (duh) the following day on the first day of our 2-day Halong Bay boat cruise. Sure enough, we got the island and Wang and I spent 20 minutes surrounded by older monkeys that looked a bit menacing and baby monkeys that were so cute I thought my head would explode. MONKEYS!
Halong Bay. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, Google it immediately. Seriously, it is one of, if not the, most amazing place you will ever visit. Limestone karsts rise sometimes hundreds of feet from the sea. Some are no wider than a house. Some are doughnut-shaped islands with diverse ecosystems. Others hint at having central craters that could hold a lagoon paradise, rendered inaccessible by the steep walls. All are magical. I am blessed to have seen it.
AND. I am super-blessed to have been lucky enough to come across more wild monkeys! Christie and I had been kayaking around for about 20 minutes when we glided under an archway into a secluded area. After sitting in total silence for a couple of minutes, appreciating this majestic setting, I noticed a russeling in the trees ahead of us on the shore. Further investigation uncovered at least 15 monkeys living there. The males were all pissed that we were invading their territory, but it was perfect because we could get pretty close without fear because of the 20 ft of water between us. We saw babies jumping around. We even saw one picking anothers hair and eating the bugs - ARE YOU KIDDING ME!
We sadly left them alone and returned to the boat. We took in a spectacular sunset and enjoyed another great seafood meal with our French co-travellers. But as darkness fell and the stars came out, we realized that our craft was in fact the Halong Bay Roach Coach. Oh my god. I’m talking 4 inch suckers coming out of the walls. And what’s the one thing we still hadn’t bought? A mosquito net. So Wang and I tried to sleep in constant fear that we would wake up to a roach in our mouth or something. Aweful. The one reprieve was the “electronic mosquito bat” that we finally found and bought in Cat Ba - an awesome invention that combines a tennis racket with a bug zapper that’s probably totally illegal anywhere with western toilets.
After spelunking in some huge, amazing caves today, we are back on the mainland in Halong City and will be back in Hanoi tomorrow on our way to Sa Pa - a mountain city in the misty foothills of Fanispan, Vietnam’s highest peak (about 10k ft) where we will trek to meet hill tribes in secluded villages. I want them to teach me more about the hawk spirit. But I think they’ll be too busy watching Baywatch reruns on satellite TV….
