21st
Laos Vegas in Vang Vieng
So to pick up where Greg left off - we set off a day later to meet our buddies in Vang Vieng. I wanted to stay an extra day to enjoy the place - Lena and I decided to spend the entire day sampling food (weird nut pastes wrapped in various leaves) and get super cheap massages ($3 - are you kidding me?!?!) I thought we should treat ourselves to a little R&R considering I had sprained my finger while trying to keep up with tiny little monks in caves the day before (they are wily and nimble - use caution when trying to follow monks in slime covered death cave traps). We watch the sunset over the Mekong river while eating papaya salad and mushrooms (the real variety - not the 60’s variety).
Overnight bus from vomit hell!!! We were warned when they passed out plastic shopping bags mysteriously at the beginning of the trip. Greg (thanks to over the counter Valium) was blissfully asleep while we jerked through dark roads while some local woman up front is literally puking her brains out. I try to push the awful sound of loogie spitting and puking but somehow the sounds haunts all night. We chat with a strange Argentian sitting next to us who said that local folks for some reason don’t do well with motion sickness and had once spent an entire boat ride with over 50 locals who were all vomiting non-stop the entire boat ride. Every single one of them except for him where all puking. I almost gagged when I heard the story myself. We get dropped off literally in the middle of nowhere in pitch black Vang Vieng at 2am with the Argentine. We try to bargain at 2am for a room but unfortunately they know we’re a bit desperate seeing as we don’t know where we are or what to do and everyone is alseep.
The next day we move to a wonderful bungalow hut near our own private stream in the jungle at a place called Maylyn. It’s cheap (like $7) and plus there is a porch and a hammock overlooking mountains, steam and rice fields. I’ve found traveler heaven. Miraculously we find our friends - Joe, Max, Greg (from Australia) and Caty! We decide to try to scare them by hiding under their bed in their hotel room but end up waiting for an hour and a half before jumping out and scaring the poop out of them (so fun). We go to a place called “Bucket Bar” where you can literally buy a bucket with half a bottle of whiskey dumped in with mixer for less than $2. Not the classiest of places but when barefoot on a bamboo/mud floor, I guess one can’t be picky. Needless to say, we had a great time. The next day I convince our friends to move to the bungalows next door and we all set off for a day of cultural Laotian experience we’ll call “Tubing”.
Greg barely made it out the next morning as he was the sickest I have seen him in quite a while. Unfortunately our surroundings were so beautiful he had a hard time making himself throw up - so he had to imagine chicken poop in his mouth to get himself going. Like a new man, he mananged to join us for tubing like nothing had happened. Tubing - how can I describe such a spiritual affair other than I am definetly forcing all of my friends to come here with me (similar to how Ashish forced us to go to Burning Man). Basically this is how it works:You show up into town, rent a gigatic black cheerio (including strange metal spike on the inside which kept poking me in the bum when I sat in it), a tuk tuk runs you 30km up north of the river and you basically float down a pituresque river framed by limestone cliffs and loud bars playing trance music from the late 90’s. I don’t even think half the kids here were even of age in the late 90’s! Every 2 minutes on the river is a new bar where they pull you in with bamboo sticks or an inner tube connected to a rope. Once you arrive, every bar has a multitude of cheap drinks and zip lines or rope swings that send you 30 feet into the air above the river to come crashing down into the cool green water. The first swing I had to climb up a tree (trying to get over my fear of heights) to a wooden platform where some local kid hands you a T-bar. Everyone in the bar watches as I tremble in fear. It took me almost a solid 5 minutes to leap off the tree and swing back and forth until l smack the side of my head on the water. It was so fun I scrambled up the next swing immediately despite the water logged ears.
One of these bars also has this “mud volleyball” court - which is really not volleyball at all but an excuse to throw your friends into waist deep mud. Everyone is literally covered and writing in mud like chocolate brown multi-armed beast - I even get a cupful in my mouth and in my eyes (tasty!) There is definitely a “frat party” type atmosphere which is socially very fun but only the first few times. We float down the river like cereal in milk through tranquil and spectacular scenery, barely noticing the beauty around us because we are as drunk as a bunch of college kids in Tijuana. All was great until we realize that we had missed our curfew and would not make it back to town until nightfall. We lose our friends in the pitch black river (because there are NO lights anywhere around here) and duck our heads to avoid the occasionally swooping bats and insects (one of which I’m pretty sure also landed in my eye). We unexpectedly lose our way and are forced to scale walls and trek through marshland to get to town (all in perfect darkness by the way). That part pretty much sucked and killed the experience for me until I heard about the terrible things our friends had to go through to get back as well (ie hiking back in the dark with no shoes, torn underwear, etc). Our one friend Hinesh torn his shorts so high that his privates where hanging out the entire hike back (poor thing) -with no shoes (for the second time).
The next day we just relax in our bungalow on the hammock. Greg hikes up the mountains to play national geographic photographer/ GI sniper. Max and I play land slugs and do nothing all day. We say goodbye to Greg and Caty that morning while Joe, Max and us go out to another local bar. That day was supposed to be a special Buddhist holiday where they hold regattas all day and drink all night. We expected to see floating candles on the river (as we were promised) but saw only a few. Probably because we were getting drunk with one of those locals while he insisted on playing his guitar for us.
Next day we leave our friends again and bus to Vientienne. The festival and regattas are still going on. Streets are blocked off while drinking and bar-b-queing is going on everywhere. We try new street foods and listen to bad Laotion pop music. Next day we are to fly Hanoi. We meet Hinesh at the airport by accident and we all make the journey to Vietnam together.
